The Loneliest Homo in the World

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am so alone in the world and even when I am surrounded by people I can STILL  have these feelings. I have always been independent and have never really relied on anyone to look after me and I can fierily guard my privacy and never let anyone past a certain point.

This I feel is my weak point and I am jealous of people who can have a “family” of friends and socialise constantly,I can never achieve this no matter how hard I try because there is safe guard switch that always clicks back to my default setting of HERMIT!.

Another BITCH bites the dust!

I have this “friend”, yes another of my many back stabbing acquaintances who continually make me laugh at their stupid immature behaviour and constant bitching!. This one started to stalk me around the Internet and after finding me on stickam began to watch and then chat ,which is all fine except that they couldn’t fathom my sense of humour which I do know can be a little vicious and bitchy and ironic in the extreme.

During a chat I called them homophobic if an ironic way, even adding lol afterwards but this has sparked a kiddie tantrum and much dummy spitting and the fact that they have said that I haven’t even apologised for it really fuels my theory that in this world of ours there are vast amounts of mentally immature an infantile “adults”!.

I do not have the time or energy for these stupid idiots and this is why I don’t suffer fools gladly, mess with me and the only thing that you will be talking to is the back of my head!. My motto is ” If you like me, fine but if you don’t like me , get the fuck out of my face!”

Simple and effective.

“Someone please take this knife out of my back!”.

I am feeling depressed the day after the incident with my ex friend who decided to execute our friendship in such a cowardly manner. I am at a loss as to explain or analyse the situation and really I feel upset and vulnerable to further confrontations not regarding the person but ANY OTHER persons!.

If I am to be honest with myself and acknowledge my feelings, my deep rooted emotions regarding trust issues and abandonment have be truly pushed to the surface yet again and I know these emotions lie un-easy with me  and have in the past cause great emotion distress and mental torture!

Judas is alive and well and active!

My mood!! PISSED OFF!! why? well today a so called friend of seven years decide to bitch about me behind my back and the comments were relayed back to me by a reliable source. I am generally not surprise that person had the urge to bitch because its part of everyone genetic makeup but what did shock me was the fact that they denied that they even made the remarks in the first place and to rub salt into my wounds they said they were surprise that after such a lengthy time as friends that I could even think that they would bitch about me!

I am NOT stupid!! I have watched them consistently bitch and gossip about people even close friends and it was only a matter of time till they targeted me, its the back peddling they are doing to get out of it that’s making my blood boil!!! They have slagged me off and they know that I know so ,deal with it and DO NOT DENY IT!. LIAR!

Myspace friend needs medical help

The bank holiday started with me receiving an email from a myspace “friend” who I had been chatting with for maybe about a year and everything was fine up until about a month ago when I began to feel that I was only being use for tips on how to photoshop!. The email that I received was a reply from one that I had sent the previous day where I had said in a joking and playful way that maybe one day he would be as good as me in photoshop!

It was never meant to be taken seriously but because the person has addiction issues and he claims is bi-polar he completely took what I had said literally . He called me arrogant and self centered which is a joke considering all the advice i had given him…. I replied that seven years of art training at university I should be a little more accomplished than someone who at the time was a homeless alcoholic.

He now thinks he’s David Lachapelle because he has been snapping away for a year, this is what really pissed off because  I had to apply myself at art school  because at the time my father was being treated for cancer and the pressure of final show was tremendous, I feel that art saved my life and gave me a direction and I really put my heart and soul into the Degree course and to have someone who I have never met consider himself qualified to be on the same level as me artistically.

He is still extremely psychologically unstable individual and needs to think about where he is going in life because at the moment he is in a cul de sac with no where to go! I regret wasting my time and exposing my emotions with him but as with all things in life you learn from your mistakes, or at least you should.